Shield Of Disparity A Prisons Of Your Own Design


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Hi, loving friends I am recovered heroin, crystal meth, crack, cocaine, ecstasy, any drug I could get my hands on, etc., I use to rob restaurants, hotels and people at gun or knife pint. I am clean, sober and I am Ascending into all I am destined to be. Let me share with you how I overcame addiction and rose into my own salvation and power. We can all do this and we all deserve to shine. I am here yo empower all who seek Council.
LET’S talk about addiction and the shield of disparity.
DO you find you are constantly working on your self to only see more weeds, self-defeating weeds, self-sabotaging, defensive, lack of love, depression Weeds, constantly popping up to be pulled? You continue to pull the weeds, by working on your self, cleansing your inner house, release, healing, workshops, support groups, meetings, step work, etc., to only find the addictions you are battling with is still there lingering and waiting to take you out again. You continue to do more work on your self, go to every meeting, do all the steps over and over every year but the addiction still lingers, haunting you, never to leave you ALONE. You start to feel hopeless, helpless, and dependant on something outside of your self for your very own recovery.
Here is to hope, this is the time to release the static between you and your success. It is time to work out the potholes between you and all that you are destined to become.
I would like to address the DARK SHIELD of ADDICTION. No matter your addiction we form a fabric, a metal fabric, a type of shield around us to protect us from pain, hurts and let downs.
A cacoon you could call it but made up of disparity, a shield of disparity. By our own design of course. This shield is made up of your hurts, let downs, self-defeating behaviour and payoffs such as avoiding rejection, confrontation, fear of failure, seeking approval, need to be needed, seeking freedom, seeking safety, seeking love, seeking power, hopeless, denial, self-punishment, rejection, hurts, pain, let downs, did not get enough love, not good enough, too hard, can’t do it, you got the wrong guy, why me, no one wants me, etc. These very payoffs and self-defeating behaviours are the very fuel that feeds your shield of addiction.
This shield that was put in place by you, by your own design. This very shield Denys your growth, evolution and the very positive change you seek. This shield of addiction cuts you off from you fully experiencing life, from you experiencing the joys and loves that life has to offer, this shield cuts you off from God /Goddesses , cuts you off from our unseen friends, cuts you off of from your gifts, abilities, wisdom, knowledge, Spiritual Powers, the ability to fully heal your self, to let love in, to set in motion a successful you, etc.
You see divine ones, you can release all the payoffs you like , you can release all the blockages, you can delete contracts, pull curses, pull spells, release self-sabotage behaviour, self-punishment behaviour, psychic shame contracts and cords, suppressed unhealthy anger, built up fear, impeding guilt, past life trauma imprints, etc., but as long as the shield of addiction is up and in place the addiction shield will linger and imprison you.
Doing the fine detailing of the subconscious mind is potent, powerful and pure but to take it a step further is to understand all the payoffs and self-defeating behaviours that feed this addiction shield. You are in a school about you.
We can pull the roots that feed the addiction shield but we must also pull the main stubborn root to the addiction shield.
You can literally do all the steps you want but if you do not look at the shield of disparity, your addiction shield, your protection shield that needs drugs and alcohol to maintain its self, you will relapse. Look at a dandelion, if you do not pull the main stubborn root, the dandelion comes back.
I wish to inform you, This is not because you are not good enough. Not because you don’t deserve it. Not because you are unworthy or not deserving. Not because you are not doing it right, etc., not these self-defeating ideas you tell your self and are used to feed your shield of disparity. None of these.
As long as this shield of disparity is up you will remain lost in a prison by your own design. IF you are ready to Finally Heal once and for all from addiction one must address the shield of disparity that is taking you out min after min, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year, as you try to become clean and sober.
As soon as you are born you are emotionally, mentally and physically attached to your mother. When mom smiles the baby smiles when mom cries the baby cries, vice versa.
As the baby grows to about 18 months old the baby begins to transform into a child. At this age, the child is no longer fully emotionally, mentally and physically attached to the mother.
For most but not all your protective addiction shield went up around your pre-verbal years, around 18 months to 36 months but for some but not all much early than that, especially for those who have had survival needs kick in much earlier. As children we tend to put up protective shields, especially to give us the sense of physical and emotional security and a sense of belonging.
At the time of construction of your protective shield. The only thing you got that has real substance and stands out is your protective shame shield. You see all the shame you carry has created the foundation, the protective armour, and the protective shield you have built around you.
At 18 months old the child is not fully conscious of seeking out safety and security but they start to around this time. At 18 months old you begin to stretch, flex, test your muscles, and seek and search out your own sense of safety, security and belonging.
If you grew up in an unhealthy home and neglect, abandonment, denial, rejection, mental, emotional Spiritual and physical abuse, etc., was a major issue for you as you grew up as an infant, then physical survival needs would have kicked in much earlier. For most but not all, generally speaking around 18 months old when an infant turns into a child, the child figures out ways for safety, security and to belong. The infant begins to construct, form and weave together various components that make a protective shield.
This protective shield gets crafted together by messages and feelings of deservibilty such as feeling unworthy, unappreciated, unaccepted, feelings of not being good enough, don’t be greedy, you will never have friends, no one cares, no one loves you, it’s a competition out there, there is lack, go to school or you will be poor like them, don’t let mom and dad down, focus, be a good kid, you got to do not give, don’t be selfish, be more pleasant, you must share and give to others before your self, don’t think only of your self, etc., and at the same time you are stretching out and testing your powers with mom, dad, family friends, etc., and they are saying no, don’t do that, bad girl or bad boy, that’s wrong, don’t do that ever again, stupid kid, can’t do anything right, etc.
This shield that we think protects us, stays up till the needs are met but for most but not all the protective shield stays up even well after the needs of safety, security and belonging are met. This too becomes an addiction, to constantly search out safety, security and to be needed.
The messages of deservibilty start to take place and then form our own very addiction protective shield around us. From pre-verbal infancy years, to first break shame around 6 to 12 years old, to teen adolescent Shame to adult shame the protective shield gets stronger and stronger, the unhealthy emotions, the pain and shame intertwined, and tightens together like a knotted fish line or really tight wet knots that seem will never come undone. These knots of deservingly compounded and build up till a hard rock is formed around you. Not to mention our very own numbing agent, guilt which only adds to the longevity and strengthens this protective shield around us.
As this shield gets stronger and stronger with more feelings of inadequacy, we start to need more and stronger drugs to cope with the pain of being overwhelmed, feeling separate, lonely, jealousy, when we make a mistake, or errors, never happy, unstable, feelings of never have been or will be, that you can’t be helped, panic, anxiety, disconnected from self, etc.
To heal your addictions is to love and heal the child within.
When we came into this world we came in with innocents, purity, love, wonder, innocence of creativity, play, laughter, new sparks of dreams and visions, exploring, testing of our powers, freely expressing emotions, etc., but as life went on the hurts, pain, hardships, not being listened to, rejection, denial, abandonment, lonely, etc., started to appear.
As an infant and or child, you would not have the facility to protect your self. At this young of an age, you would barely have the means to fully express your self-let alone communicate how you really and truly feel inside. Maybe if you did express your self you were spanked, told to shut up, go to your room and listen or else feel the back of my hand. No dessert for you, no bedtime story, no play, always in trouble.
You could not talk about how you really felt as an infant or child even if you had the words or opportunity for communication most but not all stayed quiet and instead sought approval and acceptance, to be likeable, to get more love, to be needed, anything to avoid the pain or more pain, avoid rejection, avoid humiliation, listen and do what your told. etc. As children, we are moulded and conformed to our parents, society, religions, cultural image. We suffocated, we joked and then most but not all conformed into shame, guilt, pain, suppressed Anger, fear, suppressed emotions, etc.
The need for safety grew as the pain increased and the pressures of life choked the infant and child. You see you could not tell your parents about the lack of love you received, the lack of hugs, the lack of bedtime stories, lack of cuddles, even the lack of quality father and mother time and the importance of it, or how the relationship of mother dad and child is not working out for you in a healthy way, all the fighting between mom and dad is hurting you, the feelings of not being good enough, being flawed and defective, being told your a born sinner, or their pain, shame and anger they were dumping on you, the abandonment, the denial, the rejection, the humiliation, the unappreciated feelings, the constant spankings, hitting, verbal abuse, the beatings, the sexual molestation was hurting you, etc. and how all this was and is messing you up, how gender was getting in the way, etc.
All this pain and a lack of love. You suffocated, choked and the shield of protection goes up to protect us from pain. We close off, we block out the world, we attempt to block out the pain. As an infant, we cannot communicate our needs and wants so we go into protection mode, but this very shield we put up later on in life turns into our ADDICTION SHIELD. Meaning everything and anything that we see as hurtful or wrong throughout our life we add it to our wall but every time something hurts us, ex-fear of rejection or fear of failure, etc., feeds this shield of addiction. The shield does not protect us, we think it does, but instead, the shield we put up at a young age turns into the addiction shield throughout or life. As a child it may be sugar that feeds the wall but as we grow older harsher drugs are needed to escape the pain of this wall we put in place to originally keep the pain out. The shield not only keeps out us feeling all the pain it blocks out but the love too. Drugs then become a friend in a dark place as we try to run, change jobs or geographically move from our own shield of addiction pain.
It’s amazing what someone can accomplish when they know they are loved.
An infant is a ball of pure unconditional source love. For about the first two years of infancy, there is nothing but the unconditional giving of love from an infant to a mother or father. An infant’s highest needs are giving and receiving of love. Well, the highest needs of all for an infant are already met and that is allowing birth to occur. You see when you were an infant you knew how to give love, you knew how to receive love and you knew how to be loved. Just like an infant knows were breast milk is, the infant knows how to give and receive love. The giving and receiving of Love is an innate ability for an infant and it is in you too, to give and receive love freely as you grow up into adulthood.
However, As the infant grew into childhood, the terrible twos or the emotional born phase, the natural instinctual basic highest needs of the capacity of giving and receiving love are hindered, rejected, abandoned, humiliated, shut off, closed off, etc., and then are replaced with grown-up needs.
An infant does not take advantage of the basic needs of giving and reviving love, its a natural process of infancy. A beautiful process that so many have forgotten or replaced with other needs.
When giving and reviving love is rejected, an infant quickly learns to adapt into other needs such as physical needs, survival needs, needs for safety, needs to be secure, needs to belong, needs to be likeable, needs to be accepted, needs of approval, needs of….. etc.
As an infant grows into childhood and the basic needs of giving and receiving of loving our abandoned, hindered or rejected. A child will then go into survival mode and eventually reject the self-esteem needs which is trust, honesty, self-love, self Forgiveness and integrity, creativity productive needs, and the ability to blossom into all they could be needs. If giving and receiving of love is not fully expressed as an infant, the other primary, critically important needs of blossoming into your creative genius are shut off.
When this happens, lack of giving and receiving love, an infant and child jumps into survival needs, the child will most likely grow up feeling not good enough, have to prove themselves, feel abandoned, something is wrong with them, shame, suppressed anger, etc., which in turn eventually leads to addictive behaviours to feed the lack of love the infant did not receive.
Giving and receiving love is a natural human gift experience, if you water your infant with love daily the infant will grow into childhood and into adolescence and into adulthood blossoming their highest creative expression.
The greatest thing you will ever re-remember is to love and be loved in return.
This safeguard system we put in place is designed to protect you from the so-called boogie man or monsters under the bed or in the closet or lurking around every corner. Or whatever hate or dreaded reality that was created by you or by others such as, teachers, parents, summer camp councils, grandparents, friends, schoolmates, or relatives, etc., whatever they used to threaten or scare you with is what you now want to keep out of your reality.
The protective cover we create as an infant, child or adolescent is solely designed to protect us from the unseen tail that still lurks in our mind and our subconscious mind, you know, that offal stuff still lurking around every corner, that is just waiting to get us. So we think and dread.
This shield we created does work for a while, even though there is a price to pay later on in life for having this protective shield in place. The guard we created still worked while we were young and yes the shield of disparity protected us. Well, we thought it did. Is it protecting you now? Probably not.
The very shield we created out of fear, being scared, frightened, worried, etc., is indeed a dark defence protector and as we went on through life the shadow with no form shield we put into place now solidifies its self into a concrete shield of disparity, all around us, a prison designed and created by you divine one.
For me as a child all the beatings, being thrown down the stairs, several different stepdads, horror movies of my mom being beaten then me next, my sisters being molested, being bullied, picked on, name-calling, neglect, abandonment, fights, screaming, spankings, threats, etc., shocked me, froze me and I quickly resorted into fight or flight response by making my own shield of disparity, a prison of my own design. Why? , to keep the world out, So I was safe, well I thought so.
All I knew is it is a scary place out there and since I was raised by children for parents who did not care about me and only wanted to hurt me I needed to make sure I was really protected and that I was really safe, by any means necessary. This very protective defence system I designed while young turned Into my very own addiction shield later on in life.
When we create this protective system at a very young age we end getting lost within it, like a big black fog around us that we can not see our way through. Here is when we really panic and go into a deep hiding place within our selves. Think and feel of the movie the never-ending story Atreyu, his beloved horse Artax is lost to the swamp of sadness. We get lost in our swamp of soggy shame. Or we get lost in our very own deep woods. Or we get lost in our own shield of disparity.
We end up going all life choking and suffocating within this shield, the shield impedes on us, we panic, we feel we can not do anything right, we feel scared, worthless, not good enough, etc., and if we try to break free of our shield of disparity but it trips us up on self-defeating, self-sabotaging, self-punishing, need for love behaviour that leads to a spiral of addictive behaviour right back smack In to our shield of disparity .
We end up getting trapped in our own addiction shield, A prison of our own designed that we thought would help us but ended up even destroying our lives even more.
THE SHAME, GUILT, LACK OF LOVE, pain, hurt, etc., we feel inside as an infant, child, adolescent and adult creates a mental, mechanical and emotional addictions.
When you first enter your teenage years is when the manifestation of the emotional baggage you carry starts to really express itself into your life with such things as self-defeating, self-sabotaging, self-punishing, denying love, etc., behaviour. One usually turns to Drugs, porn or sex as an escape from pain. As a teenager, the patterns of destructive behaviour start to appear as a way to cope and deal with the pain.
You see As teenagers we are trying out drugs, its not that we are fully addicted as of yet but when we are teenagers, we tend to see it more as an escape, recreation, a party on the weekend, a past time fun activity, a way to forget it all, a way to deal with life, a way to hide, a way to be free etc., but when we become an adult is when we see the full addiction emerge and the patterns of destructive behaviour that we were trying out and playing with as a teenager really take shape.
And then The full addiction for most but not all really shows up and manifests its self into one’s life, as we emerge into adult years. Adult years are when the pattern fully emerges and the addictive behaviour takes a full swing.
As we enter adult years and as we are born into I am an individual, such as I am now more seen in the world then ever before, I am an adult and I should be treated as such, or hoping to be treated as such, etc., is when the full-blown signs of chemical, mechanical and emotional addictions take off. However, the beatings, abandonment, denial, rejection, etc., you experienced as a child do have there own manifestation, such as of isolation, avoidance, escape in play, not wanting to grow up and or take responsibility, hiding, running, sugar, candy, escape, blame, control, etc.
When you emerge as a human being or into the brink of adulthood out of adolescent you are born a new form, an adult, this is when you are more seen, heard and acknowledge into the world at large. A lot of us can not wait to be an adult and when we become an adult we want to be treated as such with all the bells and whistles of being an adult. Well, we hope and we have dreamed we will be treated as such our whole life, with respect and to be acknowledged as soon as we are adults.
When we emerge into adulthood is when the main signs of chemical, emotional, mechanical addictions emerge and fully take shape. You are no longer a child or teenager you are an adult now.
I personally remember just using on the weekends, then after school here and there nothing too much, then as soon as I was an adult I was using every day all day and wanting drugs as soon as I opened my eyes. All I could think of was drugs, I would glorify them as soon as I opened my eyes, I would fantasize about drugs. I started to see I could not function in life without them, drugs were my escape, drugs were my life, drugs were my refuge, my peace, etc. when the world got to be too much.
If you look at your addictions no matter how harmless they may seem or how harmful in fact they are you will see divine one how they have manifested themselves, bring themselves and play themselves out., into your reality as self-sabotaging behaviour, self-punishment, self-defeating or the denying of love, etc., often referring back to the childhood shame and suppressed unhealthy anger emotions that we feel, the lack of deserving, the guilt I carry, the soggy shame, the suppressed Anger, etc. All these emotions are too heavy to feel at once so one refers to drugs and alcohol to hinder these feelings we have been running from our whole life.
Because I am addicted to this substance, mechanical energy, emotional response or chemical energy then we sink into I don’t deserve, we feel the shame, we feel the Guilt, etc, therefore I deny the love and the cycle repeats. We get stuck in a prison or a shield of protection from pain by our own design.
The protective shield we created around us sends signals of you are no good enough, your not enough, you feel your shame, suppressed emotions, you feel the childhood pain then the addiction shield kicks in to self sabotage, self defeat, self punishment, etc., by the use of drugs, sex or alcohol . Its a vicious cycle of self-defeating behaviour that never stops till we heal the infant, child, the teen and the adult within.
Most of the pain within is non-tangible meaning emotional, shame, guilt, suppressed emotions such as unprocessed unhealthy anger, fear, etc., is what you can’t quite put your finger on. Shadows with no form. Sure we tend to focus on the tangible as the main problem, the beatings, the name-calling, the yelling, the neglect, the sexual abuse, mom and dad were not there for me when I needed them the most , the abandonment, the spankings, the washing mouth out with soap, etc., but these are just the vehicle to the underlying unhealthy emotional pain you are feeling. Behind every vehicle, such as abandonment is the underlying pain that eats away at you, the shame, the guilt, the fear, the unprocessed unhealthy anger one feels, where did I go wrong, is it my fault, I can’t do anything right, it is my fault, I am bad, I’m no good, no one likes me or wants me, etc.
The emerging addictions reflect the shame and guilt that sit within you grand one.
If you look at your addictions, no matter how small they are, or how insignificant you see them be, you will see your addictive behaviour manifests its self out, plays themselves out in your reality, as self destructive, self-sabotaging, self-punishing, I don’t deserve, I feel the shame, I feel the guilt, THEN YOU DENY LOVE and the addiction chain is set in motion.
So many but not all, are scared and fearful of their spiritual growth. So many but not all are Fearful to the point that one will avoid developing their own human potential and avoid the depths of their own spiritual growth.
As we grow into our destiny we get frightened along the way with such things asWhat is my destiny? What am I to accomplish? What if I do not know what to do?What if I fail?What if I am making this up in my head?What if others judge me?What if I am not good enough?What if I’m wrong?What if I can not trust my judgment or self? What if I mess up the beginning? What if I lack in light? What if I can not express my self clearly enough and be heard? What if I am not bright enough? What if God/Goddess picked the wrong person?What if I do all this spirituality growth and there is nothing there?What then, I’m not going to waste my time and efforts Etc.
I WISH TO INFORM YOU, ONCE YOU OPEN YOUR DOOR TO DESTINY, TASTE YOUR DESTINY, GET DRUNK ON YOUR DESTINY, SENSE YOUR DESTINY, TASTE THE HOLY GRAIL OF GOD /GODDESS TRUTH, etc., THERE IS NO CLOSING THE DOOR ON YOUR DESTINY. You see the more clearly you can see the more eager you will be to achieve. However, the more determined you are to achieve the more painful it is when you fall short and fail. This is where we get obscured and self hook our selves and fall short. False dilemmas disguised as practically, what if this happens, or this happens or that happens, what if? Oh my God, what if? We trip our selves up and fall flat on our face.
Maybe you have already met your destiny, sensed your destiny, tasted your destiny, etc., but are too afraid and don’t know what to do and why? Maybe you don’t know what you really want in life yet? Maybe you know what you want in life, you feel this and sense your destiny but not sure what to do or where to go? Maybe you know what your destiny is /you taste it / but are unable to satisfy your thirst for destiny?
This is where we obscure our selves, with fear disguised as practicality and fall short of our destiny. We make excuses and do whatever we can to avoid our destiny. No matter how you distract your self or delude your self. No matter what rational excuse you may use or currently are using. Whatever self-destructive habits or self-defeating mind chatter you sink into. No matter what ego constructs you come up with the thirst for your destiny grows so much it will only drive you crazy to ignore your destiny any longer. No matter the amount of drugs, alcohol eating chocolate cake you use, your destiny is knocking and calling your name.
Then there are the ones that dive into their destiny head first. These ones go deeper into the very root of their destiny. They go beyond the human potential and attached to metaphysical threads of hopes, dreams, visions, future sparks of dreams, forgotten love, etc., and discover a reality above and beyond the current one. They see it is not just about lining up the physical but the metaphysical for behind what governs the seen in science is the unseen metaphysical. They dive into the metaphysical, discover their higher selves, soul, unseen friends, God /GODDESS of all that is and then sense their destiny. But along the way these ones also get snagged too, they get hooked, they get scared, fearful, and the psychic obscure addiction hooks stop them dead in their tracks. They fall back into old addictive behaviours.
Then there are the ones who know they have everything they need here. They are open themselves up to their full human potential. Just like a dog shakes off the water after a swim. A master does the same when faced with obstacles. I AM HERE TO GET THE RIGHT STUFF TO TAKE ME FORWARD SO THAT I CAN CREATE THE RIGHT REALITY THAT FEEDS MY DESTINY.
Once you taste destiny nothing can stop you and to try to avoid and stop your destiny will only drive you crazy and back to obscure psychic self-sabotaging hooked addictive behaviour. Your shield of disparity.
The more you clear the clutter to your addictive behaviour, like payoffs, trauma, pain, hardships, fear of failure, fear of rejection, false dilemmas, the subconscious destructive patterns, shame, guilt, unhealthy anger, fear, etc., the more you can see and feel your destiny.
In Active Addiction, your Soul comforts you, even when everyone else around you do not understand you. Someone in addict addiction will find refuge in Addiction. This is because the soul is there Loving, Caring and Supporting you even when no one else will or does. We can come out of Active Addiction by rising up out of the Cracks and Crevices of our Pain into the light and love of our SOUL POWER. By rising up with our SOUL you will find Self-esteem, Comfort, Joy, Courage, Love in all areas of your reality. SO IT IS
the one you try to keep hidden from everyone will come out every once in a while and will wreak havoc on your life. Heal the deep wounds and this will stop.
Addictions are a false hand of help in a dark place. Let the love of God-Goddess assist you as a real hand in a dark place.
As you clear the addictive obscure clutter, the shield of disparity you can SENSE YOUR DESTINY AS A VISION MAKER. A visionary maker is you divine one of love. A visionary dreams themselves well, by creating and weaving dreams of love, co-creating, reality maker, a destiny of dreams coming true, a dream weaver of loves embrace.
As you heal and remove your obscure addiction shields you will create a positive future for the planet, others and your self-sweet one. The future others have may be far from Positive but not for you visionary. When others, see the destruction you will see the reconstruction of new hope, forgotten love, and new sparks of vision.
There are solutions to Finally being clean and sober from drugs, alcohol, sex, etc.
Fear, guilt, shame, unhealthy suppressed Anger, etc., will create a mental health imbalance that leads to old addictive patterns. Release unprocessed emotions and pain and you will release addiction.”
IF you want to stop saying I’ll never do it again but you do it over and over again just the same, that you can’t be helped, then heal your deep shame, guilt, fear, unhealthy suppressed Anger, pain, trauma and watch your shield of disparity fall.
LET’S re-learn to love and accept ourselves instead of constantly blame ourselves
I KNOW you have hurt for a very long time but now dear one push that all aside, and rise up out of your shield of pain and disparity. Transform your pain into love. I am Living Proof. Rise, grand master. Let go now, let go at a deeper level. Let go.
If you would like any assistance with your obscure addiction hooks, past traumas, hurts, shame, guilt, fear, unhealthy suppressed Anger and or your shield of disparity please contact
Chris Parr Sirian and Lemurian love and wisdom Galactic Council of light and love Agartha Shambhala WWW.MERAKILIGHT.COM