You Tube Video 1 The Negative Shame Shield
You Tube Video 2 Defective Shame And Ending Shame
Defective Shame & Ending Shame.
Healing Infancy and Preverbal Shame
Shame.
A word with jagged edges, sharp enough to make the body cringe.
We avoid it, hide from it, pretend it doesn’t exist, yet it quietly shapes our entire lives.
Those who carry the deepest shame often shun even the mention of it. They act as if it doesn’t apply to them. And yet, paradoxically, these are the very souls who need healing the most.
Some say “Ending Shame” is too harsh a title. They want something softer, more poetic, less intimidating. But let’s be honest — shame is not soft. It is not airy-fairy. It is brutal, primal, and lodged in the very root of our being. If we are to end shame, we must call it by name.
The Roots of Shame: Infancy & Preverbal States
Shame takes root before language, in infancy, in the preverbal stages of life.
Every single human being carries shame to some degree. Some of it may serve a healthy purpose, guiding growth and humility. But far too often, it becomes toxic, imprisoning, and life-destroying.
Unlike guilt (a mental fabrication), shame is a real emotion. Like all real emotions, it has both light and dark faces. When expressed positively, it can help us discover ourselves. When negative, it denies the self and becomes a state of being:
You no longer feel shame. You become shame.
Defective Shame: The Loss of Freedoms
When shame turns defective, it strips away the very freedoms that make us human.
1. The Freedom to Perceive & Create – lost when shame convinces you that you are unworthy to imagine or innovate.
2. The Freedom to Think & Evaluate – denied when shame tells you your thoughts have no value.
3. The Freedom to Feel – shut down as parents pass on their own unprocessed shame, teaching children to stop feeling.
4. The Freedom to Choose – stripped away when you believe you are flawed, defective, or a “mistake.”
5. The Freedom to Imagine – blocked because imagination reopens the wounds: the abuse, the neglect, the fear.
6. The Freedom to Give & Receive Love – cut off because shame whispers you are unworthy of love.
7. The Freedom to Heal – eroded when shame says, “If I can’t heal myself, I cannot heal anyone else.”
These freedoms are not just buried — they are crushed. The shame-based person often does not even know what they want, what they feel, or who they are.
Shame’s Impact on the Brain
Shame damages not only the soul but also the brain itself.
Reptilian Brain (Survival): locks into defensiveness, anger, rage.
Limbic System (Emotions): shuts down, leaving the person numb, stuck in self-pity, victimhood, martyrdom.
Cerebral Cortex (Thinking): loops endlessly in negative thought patterns, “I can’t… it’s too hard… why me?”
The “gates” between these brains close. Feeling, thinking, and surviving no longer communicate. Clients often tell me, “I can’t feel. I can’t remember.” Shame has shut the system down.
Worse still, the brain releases powerful neurochemicals to numb the pain. Some are 48 times stronger than morphine; others, 200 times stronger. Yet even with these internal “drugs,” shame-based people often turn to addictions , alcohol, drugs, obsessions, in a desperate attempt to quiet the unbearable pain.
Shame’s Many Faces
Locked in Child, Teen, or Parent Roles: reacting from tantrum, defensiveness, or criticism instead of authentic self.
Separation from Spirituality: going through the motions of rituals without genuine connection, because shame has cut off the higher self.
Fear of Asking for Help: believing they are unworthy of assistance.
Becoming Fixers or Escapers: either trying to heal the whole world to earn love or abandoning the world through addiction.
Passing Shame Forward: becoming “perfect parents,” controlling parents, or overachievers, dumping their shame onto their children.
The cycle of shame perpetuates itself, until it is consciously healed.
The Cycle Ends With You
If you grew up with shame-based parents, whether perfect, controlling, righteous, or overachieving, you may have learned to overachieve, to be perfect, to perform… and yet still feel hollow, empty, defective.
This is not your truth.
This is shame’s lie.
To heal shame is to reclaim your freedoms: to think, to feel, to imagine, to love, to heal, and to simply be.
Ending shame is not about becoming “shameless.” It is about no longer carrying the burden of being defective. It is about walking free.
Blessings to you
If you would like end the cycle of Preverbal and infancy defective Shame please contact me
Chris Parr, Sirian and Lemurian Wisdom & Teachings
