You Tube Video 1 The Negative Shame Shield
You Tube Video 2 Defective Shame And Ending Shame
Defective Shame & Ending Shame.
Such strong words, and they have such harsh corners; it almost makes someone cringe just at the word and sound of shame. It’s a very important thing to look at and a frightening concept as well
People who feel a tremendous amount of shame go through their lives pretending that they don’t, shun the very word and shun the very concept. Therefore, reading my write-ups on how to end shame says something about you: shame for the person who doesn’t want to be said. Therefore, ironically and sadly, they are the ones who need to hear the most of what we will talk about, those who are most weary and frightened and to listen. Some suggest perhaps the title ending Shame is a little too harsh that we should come up with a softer romantic title, something that would not be so intimidating. Let’s just call a spade a spade and not call it an airy-fairy around-the-corner name. Let’s talk about ending shame and let’s call it daily write-ups ending shame.
The word itself is very difficult to define and even more difficult to understand the concept of shame. But the most difficult of all is to comprehend and deal with the feeling of shame.
Even though shame is a current world problem unlike some you might forcibly have, it’s a current life problem. Each of you developed shame at a time before you had language. Making it difficult to define.
Shame is rooted and established in the preverbal infancy and Each of you has shame. Yes, every one of you has shame to various degrees. Some, in that sense, have been a healthy shame, but far too many of you. Indeed, it has been an unhealthy prisoning shame. But everybody has shame; everyone who is of the human condition or the human persuasions has shame.
Shame is a real emotion and potentially has positive as well as the more overt obvious negative impact. That is the first point that is so vitally important to realize. That shame is a real emotion. Guilt is a fabrication, and it has negative implications, but shame is a real emotion and, therefore, as a real emotion, has both positive and negative sides. A light face and a dark face are seen and unseen. That is part of it
When shame is positive and expressed it’s a tremendously powerful and a vitally important part of your human development. When it’s negative, it can be tremendously destructive. To that very human development.
Shame is an emotion that can facilitate finding self or instigate the denial of self.
Shame is also a state of being it is more than an emotion where it begins as a feeling and becomes a state of being. Where you might feel shame initially, where it is internalized to a certain point, you no longer feel shame. You are shame.
#1. Why is it that when you have defective shame you lose your Freedom
Has Your Freedom Been Taken Away By Shame And Are You Now A Prison Of Your Shame?
You, As A Human Being, Have Certain Freedoms That Are Also Powers, And When You Have Shame, Shame Erodes And Eventually Destroys The Freedoms And Powers.
Some of you here talk and know you are a prisoner of your shame and know that’s why your metaphysics isn’t working the way it is and why your relationship with God-Goddess and all that is and your higher self and your relationship with any of your unseen friends isn’t what it is supposed to be or what you assume is for everybody else.
Others of you are not imprisoned by your shame, but you’re wounded by your Shame. You are still functioning very well, but you’re wounded. You need to know what shame does to you because you see the abuse isn’t happening now, the abandonment; well, I’m a grown-up now, I don’t need parents. The shame I felt for being a defective person, all right, that’s over with now. I don’t have people telling me that now, so you think.
Some very specific things occur and happen. First of all, the shame-based person loses the freedoms, as a human being has certain freedoms that are also power, and when you have shame, Shame Erodes and eventually destroys the freedoms and powers.
1. The first freedom is the freedom to perceive and conceive, the freedom to be creative, and that is taken away when you are shame-based.
2. The second freedom is the freedom to think and to evaluate, and the shame-based person is flawed, defective, and doesn’t have the right to think and doesn’t have a right to evaluate.
3. The third freedom is the freedom to feel, to have passion and compassion, and to survive the shame-based person, they had to shut off their feelings. They had to stop feeling. The shame-based parents stopped feeling long ago, and as they pass the shame on to you, then you stop feeling, too.
4. Fourthly, you have the freedom to want, to need, and to prefer the freedom of choice,e which is denied to the shame-based person. I have no choice; I am flawed, I am defective, I am a mutated mistake.
5. The fifth freedom is imagination, the capacity to imagine and dream yourself and the world healed, that is a freedom and a power denied. This is because to imagine is to Reawaken the wound, to go into a depth meditation. I don’t want to open that again to the person who says I don’t have imagination. I don’t want to hear that creek in the door. Are you awake? I don’t want to see that shadowy figure crawl across the room to crawl in bed with me. I don’t want to feel that again. I don’t want to visualize and feel the beatings, belts, sticks, backhands the broken bones. I don’t want to open that door again and I want to close it down. I don’t want to touch, I don’t want to feel and I definitely don’t want to imagine.
6. The sixth freedom is the freedom to give and receive and it’s a power. The shame-based person simply can’t receive or give love.
7. The seventh freedom is to heal, the freedom to heal yourself and others, the gift and power to heal all you touch shame-based person doesn’t have that ability. Why? Because they feel flawed; if I can’t heal myself, I can’t heal anything else. You see, there are times, and we know it, when we work with people and ask what you desire, and they really don’t have any desire. We know some play games with it, I don’t know. We are talking about when it is really true what do you want in life? Don’t know
You see, the shame-based person isn’t joking or playing cards, etc.; the shame-based person honestly doesn’t know what they want because their wants and freedoms have been taken away.
What do you desire to do with your life, whatever I am supposed to? For the shame-based person, they really mean it. They are not trying and not manipulating with that, they are not trying to be in self-pity to get someone to make their life work for them. They really mean it, they don’t have any desire, it’s been beaten out of them, it’s been abandoned in them and it has been beaten
out of them verbally if not physically.
There are those in the imagination in the meditation who just can’t imagine or feel the energy; for most people, in that sense, it is a game, but there are those who really can’t imagine or feel because of the shame they carry. You can’t imagine because of the shame.
Those freedoms, those gifts, those powers truly have been crushed, not just buried but crushed. They don’t exist anymore. I don’t have much imagination I just have to keep the world around me, that’s about it. I don’t have wants or desires or preferences, I don’t feel, what are you feeling now, I don’t know. It’s evasive shame and they mean it. What do you think? What am I supposed to think? Tell me the rules, tell me what to think and feel, and I’ll think and feel it the best I can. I may think what my father or mother thinks but not mine.
It’s been crushed and beaten out of you by the shame itself.
The first defective shame is you lose your freedoms
#2. The Second Defective Shame Is Shame Damages Your Brain. The Chemistry And The Mechanics.
Shame Really Does Have A Profound Impact, And The Shame-Based Person Has Damage To Their Brain Function, And The Gates Between The Brains Are Closed.
Your brain is divided into basically three components, simply put.
There is the reticular formation which is a set of interconnected nuclei that are located throughout the brainstem. Its function is Simple motor coordination and regulates simple motor functions. Which is the reptile brain inside of you, for that matter, but it is the survivor part of yourself. Shame-based people and those that are severely shame-based become defensive, snappy, quick to throw emotions around, and just angry, even rage, etc. To push others away.
Then there is the limbic brain or limbic system, which is a set of brain structures located on both sides of the thalamus, immediately beneath the medial temporal lobe of the cerebrum primarily in the forebrain. It supports a variety of functions, including the emotional center or feeling area, behavior, and long-term memory. Shame-based people and those that are severely shame-based you lock in shame and feel sorry for yourself. The Self-pity game of victim, martyr, struggler, and blamer.
Then there is the cerebral cortex which is the largest site of neural integration in the central nervous system. The cerebral cortex is a sheet of neural tissue that is outermost to the cerebrum of the mammalian brain. It has up to six layers of nerve cells. It is often referred to as gray matter. It plays a key role in attention, perception, awareness, thought, memory, language, and consciousness. In basic terms, it is the thinking brain. Shame-based people and those that are severely shame-based you get locked in limited complaining thoughts like a broken record, I can’t do it, life sucks, it’s too hard, why me, unfair, jealousy, etc, over and over all day.
These three brains are linked together and are supposed to work together therefore messages coming from the cerebral cortex and frontal lobes to the limbic system to the feeling brain are transferred to the survival brain back to the cerebral cortex, back to the limbic brain, this sort of continues introduction is supposed to call but in a shame-based person full of shame the limbic brain is shut off.
The gates between the brains are closed, and therefore, they can’t feel. I have seen this a thousand times in sessions with shame-based clients who can’t feel or remember anything. The shock, the trauma, the pain, the abuse, the sexual abuse, etc., the shame closes the brain down. Once you heal the shame, the brain opens again, and the client begins to feel and remember.
A Shame-based person either relies entirely on the reptilian brain, to find out how to survive and does it survives now. Over and over again they lock in the survival reptilian part of the brain. Don’t do anything else, don’t rock the boat, don’t change it. This works. Leave me alone.
Or they are totally in the thinking brain the cerebral cortex and want to think or analyze but are too afraid to do, or experience because the gates between the thinking and feeling brain and the survival brain have been shut down due to the intensity of what they have been taught by shame-based parents the abandonment, the abuse, the neglect, the beatings, the wronged, the blame, etc. Behaviors.
Also, your brain releases neuropeptides and other endocrine hormones
Which are vital to the development, function mood, and growth of the brain and body
The secrets to longevity and immortality are or come from the endocrine system and the chemicals it releases as hormones and neuropeptides.
One of those particular chemicals that are released in the brain is endorphins. Endorphins are released to cover pain or numb pain or ease pain or manage pain. There are certain endorphins, and some are released with the expression of happiness, joy, fun, and things of this sort. There are many different kinds. One of the particular endorphins that are released is 48 times more powerful than morphine and when you have pain injected with morphine in the physical world. You have chemicals in your brain that are 48 times more powerful than morphine. Shame-based people and those that are severely shame-based, Chemical analysis shows that they have twice as much of this endorphin in their blood system than the average person. That means the pain is, so severe they have released this potent chemical that is 48 times more powerful than morphine into their body as a normal state of affairs.
On top of it, many shame-based people become drug addicts, alcoholics, and obsessed people. Just realize how intense that pain must be. That a 48 times dosage of morphine doesn’t cut it. On top of the 48 times morphine shame pain, I have to use alcohol or drugs or some sort of obsession addiction. Try to mask this pain.
What Chemicals Is Your Body Releasing To Answer The Shame You Feel?
There are other chemicals and hormones in the brain system. Another neuropeptide that is 200 times more potent than morphine. They have been found in severely suicidal people. Institutionalized often for their suicidal tenancies they are often sincerely not just some dramatic deploy they are really suicidal. That this particular chemical exists grand excess in their body system they are releasing this chemical that is 200 times, more powerful than morphine in order to cut the pain and still on the verge of suicide that is intense pain.
These hormones these neuropeptides that are released in excess damage the function of the body just as if you took morphine every day, you would become addicted to morphine and it would impact your judgment, it would affect your behaviour, it would affect your ability to function in the world, just as those who have become coke heads, or who have become speed freaks, or addicted to certain drugs, etc., are there to end the pain. They don’t function properly.
Well, I don’t take drugs, yes you do if you are shame-based. You are drugged all the time and therefore certain shame-based people find themselves unable to function like regular people which is enforced and forced, I knew it I am flawed and defective. I don’t have the proper judgement, I don’t have the proper hand-eye coordination, I don’t have the proper physical function, it’s chemistry, they are depressed. How would you feel if you took valium or perks every day? You would be depressed. The shame-based person is often depressed, with low-grade chronic depression because of the chemicals in the brain, That their body is releasing to answer the shame.
They can become schizophrenic, they can become paranoid. Shame reinforces because everybody oh don’t be silly, get over it, grow up, just stop it, why are you being paranoid no one is there or trying to get you, don’t be silly. More shame. It affects you chemically.
What it also does is cut off the limbic brain from functioning properly, as well as drugging you and damaging your ability to function in a world as you are under the influence, even before you took a drug or drink you were under the influence from shame.
Shame also sets up tape loops of behaviour where you recreate the shame over and over again, you recreate the incident of shame. If you are abandoned by your father you are continually abandoned by men or father figures. If you were abused by your father you are continually abused by men. You dare someone who abuses you and you wonder what’s wrong with you. It’s a tape loop that has been set up due to the brain function. To recreate the shame. That’s what happens
#3. They are either stuck in child or adolescent or parent personality but they are not themselves. They always respond or react from a child’s tantrum behaviour or teenager’s defensive behaviour or the critical judging parent’s behaviour. They don’t know who they really are and shame blocks them from finding out who they really are. Once you heal your shame on each wave infant, child, teen and adult then you will know who you are. You will No longer react like a child, teenager or critical adult in stressful situations where you are being shamed.
4thly, Also, shame separates you from any Spirituality. You can do the rituals but you are not doing them because it is my right to do them, you are doing them because you don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb, don’t want to be laughed at because you want to be one of the spiritual gang. Therefore, you read the book on how to get in touch with your higher self, or you come to a workshop and do a meditation, you sit under that tree and can’t really feel that tree but pretend you can and put your left hand out and reach halfway around that tree, you kind of do that and we say you will feel your higher hands upon yours, you don’t feel it, you don’t really sense it but you pretend to do. Then you crawl around that tree and you see your higher self there but you’re not going to admit it. We would suggest here you have been cut off by your Shame and then feel even more shame. Because no one is admitting you have been wronged or shamed. That’s what is stopping you.
5thly Also, shame Keeps you from asking for help. The last thing a shameful person is going to say is I need help. why, because they don’t think they deserve it, because they are flawed, defective, not worthy, wrong, bad and there is no help for them anyway. To that sense somewhat of a joke, there are two doorways, one is a door to heaven and the other is a door to a seminar to heaven. All the shame-based people would be lined up for the seminar. I have to learn about this place, I have to fix and heal myself in the first place because I don’t have a right to go through that door to heaven.
The shame-based person doesn’t want to work on shame now, instead wants to take it home and work on it. Then we write down everything we are learning tonight, we didn’t do anything tonight mind you not at all, I’m not going to work on anything tonight in class I’m just going to take it home and do it myself, in my privacy because I don’t want anyone in the class to know that I have shame. Give me a book, that intensely shame-based people read vigorously because they believe somewhere there will be the answer to fix them. They can do it all themselves. Many of you can relate to that more closely than you want to admit.
People play with your shame, they dangle carrots a shame-based person can’t ask for help.
6thly, The shame-based person either has to fix the world or abandon it. They become the super fixers, they are going to fix everybody that is broken. Make everybody else happy, make everybody else successful, make everybody else complete and whole and then maybe they have earned the right of something for themselves. Or else realize the impossibility of that and then they abandon the world with their addictions and obsessions and their fantasies.
7thly, Furthermore, the shame-based person attempts to cover the shame to become shameless and then pass that shame on to somebody else just as it was passed onto them.
Now, How Do Parents Attempt To Be Shameless Basically Two Ways?
I’m Going To Be The Perfect Parent Or I Am Going To Be The Controlling Parent.
One way that we try to be shameless is by being more than human. Take for example The perfect parent I’m going to raise this kid right I’m going to be the parent I never had, I’m going to love this kid, I’m going to take care of this kid, I’m going to treat this kid right so they grow up to be a decent person that doesn’t have shame that I have. I’m going to be the perfect parent, I can do no wrong, I can make no mistakes and I am the perfect parent. If the kid isn’t perfect it’s their fault it wasn’t anything I did, and it wasn’t my behaviour no I am the perfect parent and I did everything right it is their wrong, they are the bad ones.
Or I’ll be the controlling parent. I am going to control this child to bring totally and completely every faucet, every phase, every moment I am going to control this child so that they turn out perfect so they turn outright. I want to know every detail, everything they do, everything that they say, I am going to be right there watching every move. They are not going to get out of my sight. I’ll be a helicopter parent watching every move. I want nothing to go wrong. I am going to control them by picking the school they will go to, pick the friends they will have, the party they go to and do not go to too, the clothes they do and don’t wear, the music they listen to and don’t listen to, the activities they engage in, who they date, when they date, who they see, what social events they involve themself in, I’m going to decide what’s best to be like a cheerleader, captain of the team, school president, to be involved in any event I am going to control their lives entirely so that nothing can go wrong. I’ll be the super mom or super dad or more than human.
Or the righteous parent in that particular regard. The Totally right or totally perfect totally absolutely whatever goes wrong with the world righteous anger, righteousness to put out with whatever goes on in the world, the totally right parent that never makes mistakes, that never does anything wrong, that never says anything wrong, who never in any way has never made an error.
Or else the overachieving parent the mother who is up at 6:30 am to get the kids off to school to be back by 7:30 am so she can clean the house, vacuum, mop the Floors, feed the dogs, get the dinner prepared and our in the refrigerator so that when she comes back later so by 8:30 am she can be off to her activities, whether it’s her hobbies on her day off or work on workdays then have lunch then 2:45 pm she can be there when the kids come home from school who go out to play until about 3:45 pm, then she gets dinner ready, then dinner on the table, then to sew for her kids plays, or help with their homework, then do her own projects and her own self-improvement reading house design and decor books cover to cover, whatever in that regard, learning how to do all these fancy wonderful things so she can be the super-duper over achieving mom, Allways organized for her self, her partner and the kids. Plus she manages to work 8 hours too. Supermom.
Or the super dad as well who in that regard is off to work to two different jobs and plays golf on Sat, builds on Sunday and reads paper till 11 pm at night, and on school days is out in the backyard throwing a football with the son, and is sitting down and bouncing his daughter on his knee as well as taking the kids to any activities that they are in. Back and forth between daughter and son activities like softball, Boy Scouts and Bala. So many activities than going to the second job so he can send them to the proper schools and get them in. It’s an expensive school because it is a good school. Then spend 5k a year to Send them to a fancy school, elementary junior high, boarding school etc, so they can make a decent life for themselves.
The overachieving parent is the shame-based parent who is obsessed with having a perfect life, the perfect everything life. These parents pass this superhuman, this more than human onto their children and you as a child better be a perfect child and make mommy and daddy proud at whatever you do. Don’t disappoint us, don’t let us down, your father is working two jobs to pay for this, don’t blow it, I made your costumes out of the most expensive fabric which is better than anyone else’s, don’t wreck it, be the perfect little girl, be the perfect boy I got you on softball league, I paid extra for you to be better trained. I paid for a better tutor so now be the Star I want. Don’t blow it, I buy you the best of the best don’t blow it. I got you a special tutor now you better be the star of whatever you are in. I know you are 6 years old but I want you to be a quarterback. Whatever don’t be a failure or be picked for the lower spot in the team. Be a perfect child. Please Be a perfect child. Be the Controlled child, don’t act up, don’t act out, don’t do anything unexpected, and don’t do anything mommy and daddy wouldn’t want you to do. Be the overachieving child. I want you to learn multiple languages, and try to learn another before five. I want you to be a math student, solving problems early.
I want you to be successful and do your best so I can show you off and brag to my friends about how amazing you are. You are a measure of me. If I can pounce you out there and perform, it says what good and wonderful parents we must be. You can resight this poem that’s difficult for them, you can speak multiple languages in front of them. I want you to be a perfect child around my friends. This is instilling the child with shame because they are demanding something that can’t be done. No child is going to be perfect, is going to be totally controlled, is going to be righteous and is going to be that overachiever and feel good about themselves.
Many of you are just that. Your parents geared you towards that, you did overachieve and you did behave perfectly, you did everything right and you feel hollow and empty inside and you feel something is really wrong with you.
Anorexia a common phenomenon now more with young girls than boys is an attempt of a child to be more than human, to rise above the very need for food, the very need of a body, to dirty one’s self, to soil one’s self with food, I got to be perfect and therefore exist without food, without excess.
Superhuman parents more than human parents or shame-based parents attempt to be shameless and the way they dump their shame on you.
That’s what happens and that is what shame is all about. Blessings to you ending your cycle of defective shame.
This is Chris Parr
Sirian And Lemurian Wisdom And Teachings
